LONDON STATUES - ENGLISH MONARCHS

STATUES IN LONDON OF ENGLISH MONARCHS

     By royal appointment, I hereby present my photos of London's public statues of Kings and Queens - together with some of their quirks and quotes.

     I have fully listed all English (latterly British) Kings and Queens since the Norman Conquest, including those not deemed worthy of a statue. I've also included some earlier monarchs who do have statues. Unless otherwise stated, the statues are all in public places or places with free admission.

     I have to confess that AI has been shamefully plundered for my pen pictures; but then many of our royals were shameful plunderers. I also used ChatGPT to sub the whole magnum opus. I have to say they are less condescending than my regular sub (ex-BBC World Service) who has never once said "it's been my pleasure to sub your work".

    As usual, the accompanying portraits are courtesy of The National Portrait Gallery: For use in non-commercial projects (e.g. online in scholarly and non-profit publications and websites, blogs, local society newsletters and family history). The picture featuring my mother is courtesy of the Scunthorpe Evening Telegraph.

    Please bear in mind that what follows is simply occupational therapy for someone who 'doesn't do Christmas and is waiting for his plumber to return from the Seychelles'. Those who don't have time to wade through my ramblings can just scroll through the pictures and to the appendix where there is a version that is abridged with a brutality William the Conqueror would have approved of. 

Queen Boudica of the Iceni (c 60-61)

     When King Prasutagas of the Iceni died, the Romans confiscated his estates. They then flogged his widow Boudica (or Boudicca, or Boadicea, or Boudicea) and raped her daughters. The Queen responded by leading an uprising which had some outstanding initial successes. But her army was destroyed and she committed suicide. Boudica is said to be buried beneath platform nine at King's Cross station which turns out to be a magical location as it's next to the Harry Potter gift shop.

Westminster Bridge (north side)

       Boudica and Her Daughters is the work of Thomas Thornycroft. The horses were modelled on some borrowed from Prince Albert. Note also the blades fitted to her chariot wheels to render Roman foot soldiers footless. 

Æthelberht I, King of Kent (589-616)

     Æthelberht of Kent issued England's earliest surviving law code for establishing rights, society values and settling disputes. He became the first Anglo-Saxon king to convert to Christianity after the Pope had dispatched Augustine to Britain as a missionary. Æthelberht married Bertha, a Christian Frankish princess.

Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office, Whitehall

Alfred the Great, King of Wessex (c. 871-899)

      The only English monarch with the title 'Great', Alfred was crowned after his three elder brothers all died shortly after taking the throne. And, apart from incinerating cakes, didn't he do well? He defended England against Viking invasions, promoted education, literacy and justice, created a fortified network and made legal reforms.

      But we mustn't forget the cakes. Whilst hiding from the Vikings in the Somerset marshes, a peasant lady he'd taken refuge with asked him to keep an eye on the cakes she was cooking. He didn't, and they were burnt.  He humbly apologised before revealing his identity. To be fair, it's probably not true; and if it is he had a lot on his mind at the time. Anyhow, having got over the burnt cake episode, he raised an army and defeated the Danes at the Battle of Ethandune (or Edington), one of the most important confrontations on British soil. He then oversaw the marriage of his daughter to the heir to the throne of Mercia. The two kingdoms joined forces to banish the Danes to the north and east of England (Danelaw), leaving the south and east (Mercia and Wessex) under Anglo-Saxon rule. To consolidate his domain, Alfred reorganised his army and established a navy.

Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office, Whitehall

  

Trinity Church Square, Southwark

     This is the oldest freestanding statue in London and thought to be that of Alfred the Great. The bottom half, below Alfred's belt, is actually a Roman sculpture, believed to be the goddess Minerva, dating back to the second century AD. The top half is an addition, designed by James George Bubb in the 1920s for Manchester Town Hall. But it was deemed too big and acquired by William Chadwick, the leaseholder of Trinity Church Square. He installed it here in around 1827.

Winchester

     Ok, not in London, but this impressive statue of Alfred is worth including as he rebuilt Winchester, which became the capital of Wessex and later England. And he is buried in Winchester. The statue was commissioned in 1899 to celebrate the millennium since the death of Alfred the Great, arguably the founder of the Kingdom of England and its first monarch. 

Edward the Confessor (1042-1066)

     Edward restored the Anglo-Saxon monarchy after a period of Danish rule. He was deeply religious, which accounts for his name - a confessor being someone recognised for their piety and devotion to the Church. Edward ruled wisely, creating stability in the country. But his death sparked a succession crisis, leading to the Norman Conquest.

Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office, Whitehall

                                                 Westminster School                               Westminster Scholars War Memorial

     Both these statues are adjacent to Westminster Abbey. This is significant as Edward the Confessor was responsible for the building of the original abbey in 1042-1052 and can be seen here holding a model of it. In 1245, Henry III replaced the original Abbey with the present one. More about Henry later (although he didn't achieve much more).

Harold II (1066)

     Harold Godwinson was the brother of Edward the Confessor's childless wife Edith. So, when Edward the Confessor died, Harold grabbed the throne, with full approval from the Witan (King's Council). But his reign only lasted nine months. Having repelled the Norwegians at Stamford Bridge (not the one where Chelsea play), he immediately had to march his army 240 miles south to fight William of Normandy, who claimed he had been promised the crown. And so, at Senlac, near Hastings, the last Anglo-Saxon king of England perished, although maybe not with an arrow in the eye as depicted in the Bayeux Tapestry.

Waltham Abbey

    On the south-west corner of the Church of the Holy Cross and St Lawrence is a memorial statue of King Harold, buried here in 1066 when another Church stood on this site.

      This flagstone in the Church grounds marks the position of the high altar behind which King Harold is said to have been buried.

THE NORMANS

William I, the Conqueror (1066-1087)

     Also known as William the Bastard (because he was illegitimate), William Duke of Normandy claimed his cousin Edward the Confessor had promised him the throne of England and Harold was a usurper. So he took the throne at Hastings. It was the last time England was successfully invaded. Once crowned, William I didn't mess around. He eliminated aristocracy for a feudal system, redistributing land almost entirely to his Norman followers. And he built lots of Norman castles, including the Tower of London. It wasn't always plain sailing with guerrilla campaigns by the likes of Hereward the Wake and attacks from the Danes. But William, the bastard, was ruthless in putting down a rebellion in the north and ravaging the country so severely there was a famine. In 1085 he started compiling the Domesday Book, a detailed inventory of the wealth of his new Kingdom. He died in 1087, fatally injured after falling from his horse. By then he had ballooned to massive proportions. At his funeral, when the priests tried to squeeze his bloated body into the coffin, his abdomen burst, sending putrid guts everywhere. The stench was terrible and mourners fled in terror.

     There are no public statues of William the Conqueror in London. However, there is one at Litchfield Cathedral, and another in Normandy.

    William reportedly said, "I have taken England with both my hands. I govern the English as a conquered people."

William II, Rufus (1087-1100)

      Rufus (because of his ruddy complexion) was the third son of William I. He was widely disliked, known for heavy taxation, his sharp wit, and open contempt for the Church. He left England devoid of  an Archbishop of Canterbury for years simply to pocket Church revenues. He was killed by a 'stray'  arrow while hunting in the New Forest. The 'wayward' archer may have been under instruction from Henry, his younger brother. 

     "I neither fear God nor care for man." William II

Houses of Parliament

Henry  I (1100-1135)

      Henry, the fourth and youngest son of William I, was suspiciously close at hand to seize the throne after his brother Rufus's death. Henry was known as the "Lion of Justice" with the catchphrase: "Good laws make good Kings".  He is also remembered for fathering over twenty illegitimate children, a record few monarchs (apart from Charles II) have attempted to break. 

     Henry's reign was comparatively orderly, with legal reforms that laid the groundwork for English common law. He founded the first English zoo - in the Tower of London. Disaster struck when his only remaining legitimate son drowned in the White Ship catastrophe, sending succession into chaos. Henry is said to have "never smiled again" after the loss. He died of 'a surfeit of lampreys (eels) against medical advice'. 

King Stephen (1135-1154)

     Stephen of Blois was the son of one of William the Conqueror's daughters. He was also supposed to be aboard the ill-fated White Ship, but fell ill and missed the voyage in which Henry I's only male heir perished. So far from 'missing the boat', he grabbed the top job despite having sworn to uphold Henry's wish to be succeeded by his daughter, Empress Matilda.

Empress Matilda

Maughan Library, Chancery Lane

     Stephen's reign collapsed into civil war known as The Anarchy. In the Battle of Lincoln (1141),  Matilda's forces captured Stephen. But her attempt to be crowned at Westminster Abbey was thwarted by a mob that supported Stephen (or didn't support the concept of being ruled by a Queen).

THE PLANTAGENETS

Henry II (1154-1399)

     Henry, son of Henry I's daughter Matilda and Geoffrey Plantagenet, was a great soldier, and through his wars, and his marriage to Eleanor of Aquitaine, extended his French lands so that he ruled an empire stretching from Scotland to the Pyrenees.

     His quarrel with Archbishop Thomas Becket ended in murder after Henry asked (allegedly), "Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?" - a line which four knights took to be an instruction. The guilt-laden King did public penance, allowing himself to be flogged by monks. Ironically, his greatest enemies in later life were his own sons.

    

Victoria and Albert Museum

    These casts are effigies of Henry II and his Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine whose first husband was Louis VII of France. The original effigies are in Fontevrault Abbey where they were both buried. Their marriage was deeply unhappy and it all came to a head in 1173 when the wily Eleanor helped her sons plot a bloody revolt against their father. Henry, not best pleased (understatement alert), imprisoned Eleanor in various castles for sixteen years. She was only released when he died.

Thomas Becket (died, 1170)

St Paul's Churchyard

     This graphic depiction of Becket's martyrdom was sculpted by E Bainbridge Copnall in 1973.

Richard I the Lionheart (1189-1199)

     Richard Cœur de Lion, the third son of Henry II, spent only about six months of his reign in England, preferring crusades and warfare abroad. He barely spoke English, taxed England heavily, and was nonetheless admired as a heroic warrior-King. Captured by Leopold of Austria on his way home from the Third Crusade, he was ransomed for a colossal sum that nearly bankrupted the country. It is believed Richard's brother John and Philip II of France had offered his captors money to keep him. Richard died after being hit by a crossbow bolt fired by a young boy. Richard's final words to the boy were an act of mercy: "Live on, and by my bounty behold the light of day". But, after Richard had died, his soldiers executed the boy.

 

Houses of Parliament                                     Victoria and Albert Museum

    The cast of Richard the Lionheart is from another Plantagenet effigy at Fontevrault Abbey.

    Sean Connery was paid $250,000 for his cameo appearance as King Richard I at the end of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991). He donated his fee to charity. 

     Incidentally, if Robin Hood did exist he was likely based on either a 13th century outlaw or Robert of Huntingdon, who died in 1191 and unlikely to have been known to Richard or John.

King John I (1199-1216)

    John, the fourth son of Henry II, lost most of the French territories his predecessors had built, earning the nickname Softsword. He quarrelled with the Church, was excommunicated by the Pope, and allegedly murdered his nephew Arthur of Brittany. His heavy taxation, arbitrary justice and penchant for sleeping with aristocrats wives, pushed the barons into rebellion. They forced him to accept the Magna Carta, a document which guaranteed a number of rights, and limited the King's powers. Chroniclers despised him, one calling him nature’s enemy. John died of dysentery after taking a short cut across the Wash in 1216 and losing the crown jewels, a fitting end to a chaotic reign.

Egham High Street

     This statue of John is close to Runnymede where, in 1215, after nine days of negotiations with  twenty five barons, the Magna Carta was sealed.

 

British Library

     Magna Carta (1215): This legendary document was created to establish the principle that everyone (including King John) was subject to the rule of law. Although most of its clauses have been repealed it is still considered the cornerstone of the British Constitution and has become an international symbol of individual freedom and human rights. This is one of two copies the British Library holds. It was discovered in a tailor’s shop and, being parchment, would likely have been cut up to insert in collars. At least thirteen copies of the Magna Carta existed of which four survive. The other two are in Salisbury Cathedral and Lincoln Castle. The text is tiny, and in Latin. 

Supreme Court

     The deep relief frieze on the front of the Supreme Court in Parliament Square depicts King John at Runnymede, sealing the Magna Carta.

    "They have made me a prisoner in my own kingdom." King John, on signing the Magna Carta

    King John had two wives called Isabelle. This cast is of an effigy of the second one, Isabelle of Angoulême. She bore five children, including the future Henry III.

Henry III (1216-1272)

    Henry, the son of John, became King aged nine and ruled for over fifty years, though rarely with much authority. He was deeply pious, obsessively devoted to Edward the Confessor, and spent lavishly rebuilding Westminster Abbey in 1245. His favouritism toward foreign relatives infuriated English nobles, leading to rebellion and his capture by Simon de Montfort at the Battle of Lewes (1264). Henry's son Edward escaped, and then defeated and killed De Montfort at the Battle of Evesham (1265). Later, Henry was persuaded to accept reforms which marked the beginning of an English Parliament. Gentle by temperament, he proved weak in crisis. 

Supreme Court

    This frieze, immediately above the entrance of the Supreme Court, shows Henry III granting a charter to his pet project, Westminster Abbey.

 

Maughan Library, Chancery Lane               Westminster Scholars War Memorial

 

Westminster School

     Here, as in the nearby statue of Edward the Confessor, Henry III is shown clutching a model of his own Westminster Abbey, the one that stands to this day.

     Henry III had the longest reign in medieval history. He was more concerned with piety and diplomacy than his ruthless ancestors. This diplomacy led to the exotic gift of a polar bear from King Haakon IV of Norway. Henry kept the bear in the Tower of London, allowing it a swim in the Thames each morning to catch fish.

Edward I (1272-1307)

     The eldest son of Henry III, Edward Longshanks was six foot two inches tall, formidable, and ruthlessly effective, earning a reputation as a lawgiver at home and a conqueror abroad. He crushed resistance in Wales, building massive castles and bringing the principality under English control. Edward expelled the Jews from England in 1290, a decision with lasting consequences. His dying wish was reportedly that his bones be carried into Scotland to frighten the enemy.

High Holborn

     High above 114-115 High Holborn you can say "Hi" to what is said to be the only public statue of Edward I in London; well, except for this one - which would fit on your mantlepiece .....

Guildhall Art Gallery

     Edward was known as ‘The Hammer of the Scots’. After being defeated by William Wallace at Stirling Bridge in 1297, he crushed the army of the rebellious Scot the following year at Falkirk. Wallace was later captured and executed in Smithfield Market in 1305. There is a plaque at Smithfield that marks the spot where Wallace was put to death .....

     By a total coincidence I happened to be passing there (looking for Henry VIII) on 23 August 2025, the hardly significant 720th anniversary of  William Wallace's execution.

     

    Many other people were executed here. And the two Jocks were very excited their ghost meter was going crazy. I refrained from pointing out the MRI scanners at Bart's Hospital, just behind them, typically operate at field strengths of up to 30,000 gauss. Maybe, och aye, they were winding me up.

     And to save you having to look it up, Edward I was played by Patrick McGoohan in Mel Gibson's Braveheart.

     Edward I was devoted to his first wife, Eleanor of Castile .....

Victoria and Albert Museum

     After Eleanor died near Lincoln in 1290, Edward erected twelve Eleanor Memorial Crosses to commemorate the overnight stops her funeral cortege took on the way to Westminster Abbey.

Charing Cross Station

     The penultimate stop was at what was to become Charing Cross, thought to be a corruption of the old French for dear Queen. But this one is a copy of the original, erected in 1865 in front of the newly-opened station. The original cross, which stood close by, was destroyed in 1647 during the civil war. An equestrian statue of King Charles I replaced it; I'll come back to that.

Waltham Cross

     The Eleanor Cross at Waltham Cross is one of three that have survived, and tenth on the route. The crosses were built between 1291 and 1295, each with eight crowned statues of Queen Eleanor.

      Edward produced more legitimate children than any other English monarch - sixteen with Eleanor, and four more with his second wife Margaret, daughter of Philip III of France. 

King Edward II (1307-1327)

      "A man does good business when he rids himself of a turd." Edward I referring to Piers Gaveston, 'friend' of his son, the future Edward II.

     Edward II preferred court favourites and pageantry to warfare, disastrously losing to the Scots, led by Robert Bruce, at Bannockburn (1314). His close relationships with men like Piers Gaveston caused political scandal and open rebellion. Eventually his wife Isabella and her lover Roger Mortimer overthrew him. He was imprisoned and died under suspicious circumstances, with later stories alleging murder by a red-hot poker in his rectum. A contemporary concluded bluntly that he was "not fit to rule".  Even so, a harsh end.

King Edward III (1327-1377)

     Edward III, crowned at the age of fourteen, launched a coup against his mother and her lover Roger de Mortimer, to begin his personal reign. He quickly restored royal authority and martial prestige after his father’s disgrace. Edward launched the Hundred Years’ War (1337-1453), claiming the French throne and winning spectacular victories at Crécy and Poitiers. Chivalry was central to his image; he founded the Order of the Garter, still Britain’s highest order of knighthood. His later years were overshadowed by the Black Death (1346-1353), estimated to have killed more than a third of England's population. He was remembered as "the flower of Kings past" although he did have some odd quirks, including believing he could heal his subjects simply by laying his hands on them.

      "Let others wage war; you, happy England, marry." Edward III, on dynastic alliances.

 

Maughan Library, Chancery Lane                      National Portrait Gallery

     The wooden effigy (above, right) may have been made from Edward III's death mask. He 

outlived his eldest son, Edward the Black Prince, who had led his father's armies at Crécy and Poitiers. 

The Black Prince

National Portrait Gallery

    Edward was succeeded by Richard II, son of the Black Prince. He had recklessly made his remaining three sons dukes which was to sow the seeds of the Wars of the Roses between his descendants - England's very own Game of Thrones.

Richard II (1377-1399)

    Richard, aged ten, succeeded his grandfather and showed early courage during the Peasants' Revolt when, aged fourteen, he bravely marched out to face Wat Tyler's rebels. As he grew older, he became  increasingly autocratic, punishing critics and rewarding loyalists lavishly. His belief in the divine right of Kings alienated much of the nobility. He was deposed by his cousin Henry Bolingbroke and likely starved to death in Pontefract Castle.

"I am the King; I will not be moved."

Richard II, during Peasants’ Revolt.

National Portrait Gallery

     This effigy is a 19th century copy of the original, commissioned for his tomb by Richard II whilst he was still alive.

HOUSE OF LANCASTER

Henry IV (1399-1413)

    Henry returned from France to reclaim the lands in the Duchy of Lancaster of his father John of Gaunt which had been taken by Richard II. (John of Gaunt was Edward III's third son; try to keep up). Parliament recognised Henry as King, setting a precedent that Kings could be overthrown if unpopular enough. His reign was plagued by rebellions, illness, and persistent doubts about his legitimacy. He suffered from a disfiguring skin condition (possibly psoriasis or leprosy), which contemporaries interpreted as divine disapproval. One chronicler noted he "won the crown more easily than he kept it."

     Henry IV was actually the first English King to speak English, those before having spoken French.

     "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown." Shakespeare’s dramatization, reflecting his reign.

Henry V (1413-1422)

    Henry V, son of Henry IV, transformed himself from a wild prince into England’s most celebrated warrior King. His victory at Agincourt (1415) against overwhelming odds became legend and cemented his reputation as a military genius. He ruled efficiently, spoke English as well as French, and took governance seriously. 

     A story goes that Henry once achieved a military victory so decisive his army found themselves outnumbered by the men they had captured. His solution was to order the execution of the majority of the prisoners. This unchivalrous action didn't go down well with many of his knights, but the deed was done regardless.

     After marrying Catherine, daughter of the French King, he was also in line for the French crown. But he died from dysentery before he could take it. He was just thirty-five.

    Some quotes (according to budding scriptwriter William Shakespeare):

   "Once more unto the breach, dear friends ..... Cry 'God for Harry! England! and Saint George!"

   "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers."

    "War without fire is like sausages without mustard."

     I won't even attempt to make a list of famous actors who have played Henry V, even Al Pacino would be on it. However, Laurence Olivier won an Academy Honorary Award for his work on Henry V (1944), oddly losing out for Best Actor to Ray Milland in The Lost Weekend. Then a complete unknown, Timothée Chalamet played Henry V in The King (2019). It should look good on his CV, next to Bob Dylan.

Henry VI (1422-1461, 1470-1471)

    The only child of Henry V became King of England and France at the age of nine months, England's youngest King. He grew into a gentle, deeply pious man wholly unsuited to kingship, quickly losing the conquests of his father. The French comeback was inspired by Joan of Arc and, by 1453, only Calais remained. The following year, he had a bout of insanity, and Richard, Duke of York, was made the Protector of the Realm. The House of York challenged Henry VI's claim to the throne, which led to the beginning of the Wars of the Roses, a dynastic bloodbath. Henry was deposed in 1461, and was briefly restored to the throne in 1470, before being murdered in the Tower in 1471.

Eton Schoolyard

      Henry VI  founded Eton College in 1440. 

HOUSE OF YORK

Edward IV (1461-1470, 1471-1483)

    Edward IV was tall, charismatic, and militarily decisive, restoring stability through force of personality. He took the crown with victory in the Battle of Towton (1461), the largest and bloodiest battle on English soil. For good measure he also killed his brother George, Duke of Clarence (drowned in a butt of wine, at least better than a hot poker). Edward married Elizabeth Woodville, a commoner who refused to be his mistress, for love rather than politics, scandalising Europe. He enjoyed luxury, mistresses, and feasting, which eventually undermined his health. He died suddenly, leaving a fragile succession. One observer remarked that he "won kingdoms but could not govern himself."

    "My liege, I know I am not good enough to be your Queen, but I am far too good to become your  mistress" Elizabeth Woodville, Queen Consort

Edward V (1483-1483)

     Edward V never truly ruled, becoming one of the Princes in the Tower at the age of thirteen. Because Edward IV was contracted to marry someone else before marrying Elizabeth Woodville, Edward V was declared illegitimate by his uncle Richard. Imprisoned in the Tower, young Edward vanished along with his younger brother Richard, Duke of York. Their fate remains one of England’s great mysteries. 

    "I want to be crowned soon." Edward V's reported words before his disappearance.

Richard III (1483-1485)

    The brother of Edward IV, Richard III was a capable administrator and legal reformer whose reputation was ruined by later Tudor propaganda. Accused of murdering his nephews, he ruled briefly but decisively. He was defeated by Henry Tudor at the Battle of Bosworth (1485), the last English King to die in battle. Shakespeare gave him the immortal line, "A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!"      His body was lost for centuries and rediscovered under a Leicester car park in 2012. Analysis of his exhumed skeleton showed he had scoliosis (curvature of the spine) but it wouldn't have produced the pronounced hunchback envisaged by Shakespeare and cursed by costume designers.

THE TUDORS

Henry VII (1485-1509)

     Henry VII had a weak claim to the English throne through an illegitimate son of John of Gaunt, fourth son of Edward III. He ended the Wars of the Roses with victory at Bosworth Field and ruled with caution and calculation. He made good his pledge, made in December 1483, to marry Elizabeth, the daughter of Edward IV. This symbolically united the houses of Lancaster and York, and was smart move given that her claim was more solid than his. He preferred balance sheets to battlefields - his financial ruthlessness made him unpopular but left England solvent. Pretenders haunted his reign, but he outlasted them all. 

    Henry VII loved taxes and loved lining his coffers. He’d arranged a politically advantageous marriage between Catherine of Aragon and his first son, but when that son passed on suddenly, Catherine’s father asked for her dowry to be returned. Not one to let cash slip through his fingers, Henry instead proposed that he should marry the young girl. Ultimately, he married her off to his other son, the future King Henry VIII.

"The end crowns the work."

Motto of his reign.

Henry VIII (1509-1547)

    The second son of Henry VII, Henry VIII is (of course) most remembered for his six wives, so let's get that out of the way right away:

    1. Catherine of Aragon - widow of Henry's older brother Arthur. Her only surviving child became Mary I. 

    2.  Anne Boleyn - beheaded. Bore no sons, her daughter became Elizabeth I.

    3.  Jane Seymour - died seven days after the birth of the future Edward VI.

    4.  Anne of Cleves - divorced.

    5. Catherine Howard - beheaded

    6. Catherine Parr - survived

     Henry was educated, musical, and politically shrewd. His desire for a male heir triggered the break of the Church of England from Rome after the Pope denied him an annulment from Catherine of Aragon. Thomas More, Henry's Lord Chancellor, refused to acknowledge his King as supreme head of the Church of England and was beheaded. The Dissolution of the Monasteries served the purpose of removing an institution perceived as being no longer relevant, though the real motivation was undoubtedly a desire to acquire their wealth for the Crown, which helped fund a powerful Navy. As he aged, he became obese, paranoid, and brutal. He declared, "I am the King; I know no King but God."

St Bartholomew's Hospital

    This statue stands above an archway known as the Henry VIII Gatehouse. Dating from 1702, the figure by Francis Bird commemorates Henry re-founding the hospital in 1547.

Central Park, Harold Hill

     This Portrait Bench features Henry VIII because he had a royal palace which stood in Harold Wood up until the late 1700s. The other two statues are of lesser celebs, but with better local credentials - Dick Bouchard, a teacher who founded the Romford Drum & Trumpet Corps and Harry Eccleston who designed notes for the Bank of England. As far as I know, Henry was the only one of this trio who made a habit of executing his wives.

Anne Boleyn

Sutton

     The recently restored wooden statue is next to Anne Boleyn's Well. It is rather fancifully said that a blow from the hoof of Anne's horse caused a spring, now dry, to rise on this spot.

      "I pray God save the King, and send him long to reign over you." Anne Boleyn's last words.

      "All is lost." Henry VIII's last words.

     Notable portrayals of Henry VIII:

 Charles Laughton in The Private Life of Henry VIII (1933) winning the Best Actor Oscar

 Robert Shaw in A Man for All Seasons (1966)

 Richard Burton in Anne of the Thousand Days (1969) 

 Keith Michell in The Six Wives of Henry VIII (1970, BBC TV series)

 Charlton Heston in The Prince and the Pauper (1977)

 Ray Winstone in Henry VII (BBC two-part movie, 2003)

 Eric Bana in The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)

 Damian Lewis in Wolf Hall (2015 BBC TV series)

 Jude Law in Firebrand (2023)

 And who could possibly forget .....

 Sid James: Carry on Henry (1971)

Edward VI (1547-1553)

    Henry VIII’s cherished heir only reigned from the ages of 9 to 15. He was looked after by his uncles, the Seymours - but when one of them, Thomas, shot his beloved dog, he cut him off. Later, when Thomas was on trial for treason, Edward did nothing to save him from the axe.

     Edward VI was deeply Protestant and intellectually precocious. During his brief reign the uniformity of worship and Cranmer's Book of Common Prayer helped turn England into a Protestant country. Sickly throughout his life, he died at fifteen. His attempt to alter the succession caused chaos. One ambassador called him "old in understanding, young in years." Edward VI's final words were "I die a good Christian."

St Thomas's Hospital

    Both these statues of Edward VI (dated 1681 and 1737) can be seen at St Thomas's. The hospital was founded well before Edward's time. But it was run under ecclesiastical governance and therefore closed when Henry VIII confiscated monastic property during the Reformation (1538-1541). It was left to his son Edward to re-found the hospital and award it a royal charter. Apart from banning beards, this was arguably Edward VI's most significant achievement.

Lady Jane Grey (1553)

     As his sister Mary was a Catholic, Edward nominated his cousin, Lady Jane Grey, as his successor. Jane was proclaimed Queen, but Mary and her supporters entered London, and 17-year-old Jane was taken to the Tower. After having only reigned nine days, she was executed, as was her husband, Lord Guildford Dudley.

Supreme Court

    The frieze pictures Lady Jane Grey being offered the Crown of England by her father-in-law John Dudley, Duke of Northumberland. 

Mary I (1553-1558)

    The daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon, Mary I sought to restore Catholicism and married Philip of Spain. This marriage was unpopular with her subjects as England did not benefit from a share of Spanish trade with the New World. Also, the alliance dragged England into Spain's war with France, and in 1558, Calais, the last of England's possessions in France was lost. Mary imprisoned her step-sister, the future Queen Elizabeth, for treason and nearly 300 Protestants were burned, earning her the nickname Bloody Mary. Seeking an heir, she suffered false pregnancies and deep personal misery whilst remaining childless. And her reign failed to reverse the Reformation. She admitted, "When I am dead, they will find Calais written on my heart."

Elizabeth I (1558-1603)

The Ditchley Portrait

      The daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth ruled for 45 years, mastering political theatre and personal control. She never married, styling herself the Virgin Queen. Her reign saw cultural flowering, naval triumph over the Spanish Armada (1588), and ruthless intelligence networks. Exploration flourished with Francis Drake, Walter (chips and ciggies*) Raleigh and Humphrey Gilbert, as did the arts with Shakespeare being a prominent figure of the time. She understood power instinctively, saying, "I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but the heart and stomach of a King."

      There were some failings in Elizabeth's reign, particularly in the matter of state financing and, of course, her dealings with the problematic Mary Queen of Scots, her first cousin, once removed (see below).

      The famous Ditchley Portrait (above) was commissioned by Sir Henry Lee, once the Queen's Champion, who had fallen out with her. He hoped this portrait would regain her favour; and it did the trick. Ditchley was Lee's estate near Oxford where he organised lavish entertainment for the queen. It shows Elizabeth standing on the globe with her feet in Oxfordshire.

      * Some say it was Irish traders, not Raleigh. who first brought the potato to Britain. But he can definitely lay claim to (and blame for) the popularity of tobacco. It is estimated that tobacco killed over 100 million people in the 20th century, more than any other human interventions apart from wars (100-200 million). 

      Laying his cloak in a puddle ahead of Queen Elizabeth is likely apocryphal. Raleigh was executed in 1618 at the behest of James I. The first smoking ban?

 

Former Hotel Russell, Russell Square                  Maughan Library, Chancery Lane

Harrow School, Harrow-on-the-Hill

Old Guildhall Library, Basinghall Street       Westminster Scholars War Memorial, Westminster Abbey

                                        Little Dean's Yard, Westminster School                       Fleet Street

       Westminster School, at Westminster Abbey, was founded by Elizabeth I. This rather odd statue of her was unveiled by Elizabeth II in 2010 to mark the 450th anniversary of the foundation of the college. It was sculpted by Matthew Spender, a former pupil.

      The statue (1586) of Queen Elizabeth I outside St Dunstan’s in Fleet Street is believed to be the only remaining statue of The Virgin Queen carved in her lifetime.

"I have already joined myself in marriage to a husband, namely the kingdom of England" Elizabeth I

"All my possessions for a moment of time." Elizabeth I's last words.

Mary Queen of Scots

    

                                                                  Fleet Street (above Pret)

    This first storey monument of Mary was privately funded. It is less than 200 metres from that of her cousin who signed her death warrant. 

    Mary and Elizabeth's relationship was a toxic mix of Queens. They never met, but their lives were deeply intertwined. Mary, a devout Catholic, believed she was the rightful Queen of England, and her claim was a threat to Elizabeth's throne. Elizabeth, wary of Mary's claim and the plots against her, kept her imprisoned for nearly 20 years before having her beheaded (1587) for treason at Fotheringhay Castle. Mary wore Catholic red to the block of the axeman who needed three swings to do his one job of the day.

   Notable portrayals of Elizabeth I:

Florence Eldridge in Mary of Scotland (1936) with Katherine Hepburn as Mary

Vivien Leigh in Fire Over England (1937)

Bette Davis in The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex (1939)

Flora Robson in The Sea Hawk (1940)

Jean Simmons in Young Bess (1953) with Charles Laughton as Henry VIII

Glenda Jackson in Mary Queen of Scots (1971) with Vanessa Redgrave as Mary

Miranda Richardson in Blackadder (1983 TV series)

Judi Dench in Shakespeare in Love (1998) - won Best supporting Actress Oscar (eight minutes on screen)

Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth (1998) with Kathy Burke as Mary and Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007)

Helen Mirren in Elizabeth I (2005 TV series)

Margot Robbie in Mary Queen of Scots (2018)

THE STUARTS

James I (1603-1625)

    The son of Mary Queen of Scots and Lord Darnley, James I was the first King to rule over England and Scotland (where he was James VI), uniting their crowns but not their Parliaments. Although he was fairly tolerant in terms of religious faith, the Gunpowder Plot of 1605, when Guy Fawkes and other Catholic conspirators attempted to blow up Parliament, led to the reimposition of strict penalties on Roman Catholics. In 1610 the Authorised Version of the Bible (generally known as the King James Version) was published, the best-selling version of the best-selling book in the world. Of course, he didn't write it. But he did write numerous treatises, including ones on witchcraft, his hatred of smoking and his belief in the divine right of Kings. He also oversaw the introduction of the Union Jack of the United Kingdom, combining the red cross of England and the blue saltire Scotland. Wales was not (and still isn't) represented because it was already part of the United Kingdom. Ireland's saltire was added in 1801.

     Brilliant and awkward, James I believed firmly in divine right. He famously said, "A king is above the law."

 

Temple Bar Gate, Paternoster Square

     Previously sited on Fleet Street as the ceremonial gate between Westminster and the City, Temple Bar is now in its third location. It was commissioned by Charles II and completed by Christopher Wren in 1672.

Charles I (1625-1649)

    Charles, the son of James I, had moved into pole position for the throne when his older brother Henry died. He believed he reigned by the Divine Right of Kings. This put him at odds with his Parliament. Then his unsuccessful attempt to arrest five MPs was seen as a violation of the liberties of Parliament, an unprecedented act that is commemorated to this day at the State Opening of Parliament. Charles's desire to dispense with Parliamentary rule led to the English Civil War, and in 1649 he was executed for treason. 

     "A King is not bound to give an account of his actions but to God." Charles I before his execution.

  

Banqueting House                             St Margaret's Church, Westminster

    Charles I was executed in front of the Banqueting House in Whitehall in 1649, an event marked by this bust above the entrance. Before his execution, on a cold day, Charles put on two shirts so as not to appear to be shivering with fear. 

 

Trafalgar Square 

     After the execution of Charles I, Parliament ordered the destruction of his equestrian statue. It was given to brazier John Rivett who was responsible for destroying it. Rivett made a tidy profit selling commemorative cutlery which he claimed was made from the melted down statue.  But when Charles II acceded to the throne it was revealed the statue had been hidden in Rivett’s garden all the time. It now stands on the exact spot in Trafalgar square generally recognised as the centre of London.

Temple Gate

Last words: "I am the King of England; I am the martyr of the people".

THE INTERREGNUM (1649-1660)

Oliver Cromwell

    Parliamentary victory in the Civil War led to a republic being declared. Then Oliver Cromwell, with the aid of his Roundhead army, dismissed the corrupt Parliament, and ruled as Lord Protector, which was King in all but name. In 1658 Cromwell was succeeded by his son Richard. It remains the only time there was no King or Queen of England. The Cromwell regime was authoritarian, and deeply unpopular. His killjoy Puritan dictatorship closed theatres (seeing acting as immoral), banned swearing, promiscuity and sport on Sundays; and cancelled Christmas.

 

Houses of Parliament                                         Guildhall Art Gallery

Strangely, his spurs are upside down .....

Charles II (1660-1685)

     After defeat to Cromwell in the Battle of Worcester (1651), Charles escaped the Roundheads by hiding in a tree, starting a trend for calling many  pubs The Royal Oak. He then fled to mainland Europe, only  able to return after the collapse of the Protectorate, when the army and Parliament asked him to take the throne. Eleven dour years had passed since the execution of his father Charles I, and Charles II, The Merry Monarch, revelled in the Restoration of the monarchy - and the restoration of fun. He was a popular King, but weak, and his foreign policy was inept. He loved science, theatre and mistresses, fathering many illegitimate children, but no legitimate heirs. It was during his reign that the Great Plague of 1665-1666 and the Great Fire of London in 1666 took place, and the new (and present) St Paul's Cathedral was built after the fire by Sir Christopher Wren. On his deathbed he apologised to his attendants for taking so long to die.

  

Soho Square

     This somewhat weathered statue of Charles II stands in the centre of Soho Square. It was described as 'mournful' by Charles Dickens. Soho Square was originally called King Square shortly after the monarchy had been restored. Sculpted by Caius Gabriel Cibber for the square in around 1681, the statue was in private ownership from 1875, the last owner being librettist W.S. Gilbert of Gilbert and Sullivan fame. His widow returned it to Soho Square in 1938.

Temple Bar Gate, Paternoster Square

Nell Gwynn

Nell Gwynn House, Chelsea

      Actress Nell Gwynn, one of Charles II's many mistresses, was faithful for her entire life, even bearing him a son in 1670. But when the King refused to acknowledge his child, the story goes that Nell dangled the King’s illegitimate son out a window and threatened to drop him until Charles made the boy an Earl. On his death bed, Charles asked his brother (James II) to "let not poor Nelly starve". She didn't, with a dukedom for Charles's illegitimate son and a fine house in Pall Mall. The house where Nell lived is long gone, but its replacement is still the only property on the south side of Pall Mall not held by the crown.

      This twentieth century statue of Nell Gwynn is above the main entrance of an apartment block in Sloane Avenue. She is depicted wearing Restoration period dress with a Cavalier King Charles spaniel at her feet. Her association with Chelsea is uncertain, and may be apocryphal.

James II (1685-1688)

     James, second son of Charles I, had converted to Roman Catholicism in 1670. His persecution of the Protestant clergy made him very unpopular. After the crushing of the Monmouth uprising (Monmouth was an illegitimate son of Charles II and a Protestant), Parliament invited William of Orange, a Dutch prince who was married to James's daughter Mary, to take the throne.  King James fled rather than fight when William of Orange invaded. Parliament declared he had abdicated and The Glorious Revolution permanently limited royal power.

    King James II died in exile and didn't leave much of a legacy - apart from having New York named after him. This happened in 1664 when the English wrested New Amsterdam from the Dutch and the future James II was the Duke of York.

   "I will never abandon my crown." James II, before fleeing.

Trafalgar Square

William III (1688-1720) and Queen Mary II (1688-1694)

     Mary was the eldest surviving daughter of James II, a Protestant, with little affection for her Catholic father. She married her Dutch cousin William of Orange in 1677. 

    In 1688, William sailed with 450 ships across the Channel and landed unopposed in Devon, before marching to London in the Glorious Revolution. Many of James II's army defected to join William and the couple ruled jointly under Parliamentary supremacy. William was a soldier, the more popular Mary was the more legitimate heir to the throne but succumbed to smallpox, aged just 32, without an heir. However, William was allowed to rule alone after his wife's death with power now clearly laying with Parliament. Apart from founding the Bank of England, William's primary achievement was to contain France when it was imposing its will across much of Europe. His life's aim was largely to oppose Louis XIV. Also, he rather curious Window Tax (1696) was introduced during the reign of William and Mary. The tax was based on the number of windows in a house, assuming the wealthier homes would have more windows. It was a very unpopular tax and was eventually repealed in 1851, but not before many windows had been bricked up - some remain so to this day.

      William didn’t remarry, and died after falling from his horse which had stumbled on a molehill. The fall led to complications which developed into a fatal dose of pneumonia.

St James's Square

   The sculptor thoughtfully included a molehill in this creation. Catholics used to toast ‘the little gentleman in the velvet waistcoat’ for bringing down a Protestant King. There is also a story that his horse had been previously owned by someone William had executed. 

     "I have no ambition but to serve God" Mary II, on her reign.

     "I die hard, but am not afraid to go" William III, on his deathbed.

     "He was a great man, an enemy of France, to which he did a great deal of harm, but we owe him our esteem" Napoleon Bonaparte

        Mary II, former Hotel Russell, Russell Square            William III, Kensington Palace

     This statue of William was presented to Edward VII in 1907 by his nephew, Kaiser Wilhelm  II, doubtless as a reminder of the historic links between their two nations at a time they were on opposing sides of alliances. The gesture was in vain as, seven years later, WWI began.

One New Change, St Paul's

     Hidden away at the western end of the basement of this upmarket shopping mall, this is one of three mosaics by Boris Anrep. The mosaics (see also Elizabeth  II below) originally occupied the building formerly on this site.

                                                                   One New Change

     After checking out the mosaics, I would highly recommend buying a Marks and Spencer bacon sandwich and taking the lift to the roof of One New Change some fine views.

Queen Anne (1702-1714)

..... with William, Duke of Gloucester, her only surviving child.

     Anne, daughter of James II, had seventeen pregnancies but only William, survived, to die at the age of 11. It was during her reign that Scotland and England were united by an Act of Union. In addition, the Duke of Marlborough gained several victories in the War of Spanish Succession, giving England an influence it had not previously enjoyed in Europe. Anne was popular but not particularly bright and her husband, George, Prince of Denmark, was even dimmer (but nice). Suffering from gout, she was carried to her coronation in a sedan chair. Her health continued to deteriorate throughout her reign, and when she died she was so bloated they had to have a square coffin made for her.

Suffering from depression, she had sadly said: "I shall be very glad when I shall be quite shut up in my coffin".

St Paul's Cathedral

    This is a copy of the Francis Bird statue erected in 1712 to commemorate the completion  of St Paul's. The marble deteriorated over the years and was replaced by this Victorian copy in 1886.

                                          Temple Bar Gate, Paternoster Square    Former Hotel Russell, Russell Square

 

          Maughan Library, Chancery Lane         Old Guildhall Library, Basinghall Street

 

Queen Anne's Gate, Westminster               Market House, Kingston

     The Kingston sculpture of Queen Anne is, like the St Paul's original, also by Francis Bird. I leave it to my readers to work out which one he sculpted first. A weighty problem?

Guildhall, Windsor

     Queen Anne's and her husband, Prince George of Denmark, are seen here. The Queen's consort's statue was presented to the town by Sir Christopher Wren.

      Olivia Colman won the Best Actress Oscar for her portrayal of Queen Anne in The Favourite (2018).

Princess Sofia

National Portrait Gallery

     Princess Sophia of the Palatinate, a granddaughter of James I, was heiress presumptive to Anne's  throne. But she died less than two months before the succession of her first cousin once removed. But  Sophia's son, George, became King when Anne died. George was actually around 53rd in line for the throne; but his highest ranked Protestant card trumped everyone else. The succession to the throne has since been composed entirely of Sophia's legitimate and Protestant descendants.

HOUSE OF HANOVER

George I (1714-1727)

    George became King of England at the age of 54, barely spoke English, and preferred Hanover. With real power shifting even further towards politicians, Sir Robert Walpole became Britain's first Prime Minister. In 1715, James Stuart, son of James II, failed in an attempt to supplant George.

     As a distant cousin who was a bit of a country bumpkin and came from nowhere to be King, he was nicknamed Lucky George and the Turnip King. George, who was rarely in the country he ruled, hated his own son, the Prince of Wales, with a passion.

     "I hate the English" George I

  

         National Portrait Gallery                   St George's Church, Bloomsbury

George II (1727-1760)

    He was more English than his father (not difficult) but still relied on Robert Walpole to run the country. George II was belligerent in the classic sense of the word - obsessed with war. In fact, he was the last English monarch to lead his own troops into battle. In 1745 the Jacobites again tried to restore the Stuarts to the throne, and Charles Edward Stuart (Bonnie Prince Charlie) advanced as far south as Derby, before turning back when promised English support failed to materialise. Ironically, George II was expecting the Scottish army to arrive any day, and was preparing to flee in favour of what would have been King Charles III.  The Jacobites were routed at Culloden (1746), and Bonnie Prince Charlie fled to France.

     George dreamed of dying valiantly on the battlefield. Instead, he died after falling off the toilet with a rupture.  His doctor later noted that he "appeared to have just come from his necessary stool".

     "I am sick to death of all this foolish stuff" George II, on politics.

Golden Square, Soho

    This weathered statue of George  II in Roman dress was described as 'mournful' by Charles Dickens. Originally from the country estate of the Duke of Chandos, the statue is believed to have been purchased by an  anonymous bidder and presented to the public in 1848 .

Old Naval College, Greenwich

   Also badly eroded, this statue is made from marble captured from a French ship in the Mediterranean to reflect George II's military exploits against the French.

George III (1760-1820)

    George was the grandson of George II who had outlived his son Frederick, George III's father. He is mostly remembered for losing the American colonies and going mad. But his reign also coincided with imperial expansion, the Industrial Revolution, great statesmen like Fox and Pitt, great military heroes like Nelson (Trafalgar, 1805) and Wellington (Waterloo, 1815), and literary figures like Jane Austen, Lord Byron, Shelley and Keats. George III was dubbed Farmer George by satirists, at first to mock his interest in mundane matters rather than politics, but later to affectionately portray him as a man of the people. From 1811, as his mental state faltered, his son George ruled as Prince Regent. George reigned for over 59 years and lived for 81 years and 239 days, both longevity records for a male English monarch. But both Victoria and Elizabeth II lived and reigned longer.

"I wish nothing but good, therefore any man who does not agree with me is a traitor and a scoundrel" George III

Pall Mall

    This equestrian statue was sculpted by Matthew Cotes Wyatt, also responsible for the controversially huge statue of the Duke of Wellington which once stood at Hyde Park corner.

Somerset House

    That's George, in Roman apparel, on top, rudder in hand. Father Thames is reclining below.

     George III was something of a bookworm. The King's Library, a scholarly collection of over 65,000 volumes was assembled by George. It was subsequently donated to the nation by his son, George IV. Initially housed in the British Museum, it now forms an imposing centrepiece to the British Library .....

British Library, Euston Road

Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz

Queen Square, WC1

    Charlotte was Queen consort to George III - not his first choice, but satisfying the strict requirements of his mother, Charlotte was just seventeen when they married in 1761. Known for her intelligence and strong personality, Charlotte played a significant and popular role in the royal court. She was a patron of the arts and helped establish Kew Gardens as a major botanical collection. In the nineteenth century, this statue was thought to be that of Queen Anne. But it is now widely believed to be of Queen Charlotte, erected in 1775.

George IV (1820-1830)

     George IV was the eldest of George III and Charlotte's fifteen children. His reign symbolised excess; he was extravagant, obese ('Prince of Whales'), rarely sober and deeply unpopular. He loved art and architecture and commissioned the famous Brighton Pavilion, built in Indo-Islamic style .....

Brighton Pavilion

      George's second marriage to Caroline of Brunswick was a very unhappy one. He was not at all attracted to her, only agreeing to the marriage because Parliament promised to pay his debts. Caroline was offered £50,000 by Parliament to stay out of England. But she refused - and turned up uninvited George's coronation. She was turned away and died nineteen days later.

      Despite only sleeping together twice, George and Caroline did have a child, Princess Caroline. She died in 1817, prompting a scramble by George's brothers to marry and produce heirs.

     "I am not a bad man, though I am a bad King" George IV.

Trafalgar Square

      Considering his considerable shortcomings as a ruler, it's rather surprising there is a huge statue of him in such a prominent place. Still, he did pay for it himself. It was intended for the top of Marble Arch and then located in front of the newly-built Buckingham Palace. George died before the statue was completed and it was placed in Trafalgar Square as a temporary measure. It's still there.

      There was a second statue of George IV erected shortly after his death in 1830. This was public funded. But with donations 'disappointing' a compromise of a brick plastered over was commissioned. It was widely criticised and also presented a traffic hazard at a busy crossroads. The whole structure was dismantled twelve years later but the spot became known as Kings Cross, long before the station opened in 1863.

Frederick, Duke of York

Wellington Place

     This is a statue Frederick, Duke of York, towering above the Mall. He was the second son of George III.  Because his older brother had no surviving children, Frederick was next in line for the throne. But there was to be no King Fred as George IV outlived him. Frederick was the actual Grand Old Duke of York in the nursery rhyme. His 10,000 men would have been pretty miffed not just by being marched up and down a hill, but also having to pay for the statue.

William IV (1830-1837)

     The younger brother of George IV, William was nicknamed 'the sailor King' because he had spent ten  years in the Royal Navy. He hated pomp and wanted to dispense with the Coronation. The people loved him because of his lack of pretension. It was during his reign that slavery was abolished in the British colonies (1833), and the Reform Act (1832) extended the franchise for voting to the middle classes (based on property qualifications). 

National Maritime Museum, Greenwich

     When George IV's only child Charlotte died her six uncles scrambled to produce an heir. Edward Augustus, Duke of Kent, immediately gave up his French mistress and married Princess Victoire of Saxe-Coburg.

Edward Augustus, Duke of Kent

Park Crescent, W1

     Princess Victoire quickly produced a daughter, Victoria, who would eventually become queen, albeit seventeen years after her father had died. In any case, Edward may not have been Victoria's father, given that Princess Victoire had an affair with her secretary, Sir John Conroy. There was a conspiracy theory that Queen Victoria introduced the haemophilia gene to the royal family from Conroy. However, there is no evidence of haemophilia in his family either.

Victoria (1837-1901)

       Victoria was the only daughter of Edward, Duke of Kent, the fourth son of George III, and Princess Victoria of Saxe-Coburg. In 1840 she married her cousin, Albert of Saxe-Coburg, a man of ability and diligence. Prince Albert exerted considerable influence over the Queen, until his death, aged forty-two, in 1861 of typhoid fever. His legacies to Britain include popularising the German tradition of the Christmas tree, and the Great Exhibition of 1851. The event was housed in an enormous glass building in Hyde Park, which was known as the Crystal Palace. Proceeds from the Great Exhibition financed several institutions, including the Victoria and Albert Museum, the Science Museum, Imperial College and Royal Albert Hall. During her many years on the throne, political violence was rare, and significant advances were made in education, democracy and science. When Victoria died in 1901 the British Empire had reached its greatest extent and she was the Queen of almost a quarter of the world's population. She survived seven assassination attempts and reigned for 63 years and 7 months; only Elizabeth II has ruled England for longer. All but one of Victoria and Albert's nine children married European royalty.

      "We will not have failure - only success and new learning" Victoria

      "We are not amused" Victoria (which she denied ever uttering)

      Worldwide, there are around 175 statues of Queen Victoria (see Wikipedia). You'll be relieved to know I haven't visited all of them. However, there's still quite a few to wade through .....

Buckingham Palace

     The imposing Victoria Memorial suffered damage during WWII, with shrapnel removing the Queen's nose in 1945. The nose was replaced before the accession of Queen Elizabeth II in 1952, and a second time for the Golden Jubilee of Elizabeth II in 2002.

Kensington Palace                                      St Thomas's Hospital

     Victoria was born in Kensington Palace. The statue there is actually the work of her daughter  Princess Louise who was a pupil of the sculptor Joseph Boehm. The marble statue in St Thomas's, crafted by Matthew Noble in 1873, commemorates the monarch who laid the foundation stone of the hospital in 1868 and opened it on its current site in 1871.

    

           Carlton House Terrace                          National Portrait Gallery

   

Victoria Square

    Oddly, this is most recent of all the statues of Victoria in London. It was erected in 2007 and depicts her as a young Queen in 1839, the year Victoria Square was completed.

Friary Park, Frier Barnet

     The 11-foot bronze Peace statue stands on top of 200 tonnes of Devon granite. It was first installed in Friary Park in 1911 and stood there for more than a century before anyone realised the figure was of  Victoria at the age of forty two. A local historian discovered that the statue dates back to 1861 and was sculpted by Joseph Durham to commemorate the Great Exhibition. It was originally in the Royal Horticultural Society Gardens until 1881 and has recently been restored.

 

Former Hotel Russell, Russell Square         Maughan Library, Chancery Lane

                  Westminster Scholars War Memorial               Old Guildhall Library, Basinghall Street

 

                Croydon Town Hall                         Temple Gate, Fleet Street

Windsor Castle                                          Southend-on-Sea

Blackfriars

    Located on a traffic island at the north side of Blackfriars Bridge, this bronze Victoria with sceptre and orb was created by Charles Bell Birch in 1893-1896. It is a Talking Statue; by scanning a QR code you can hear Prunella Scales' voice bring Queen Victoria to life.

     

    Victoria Underground Station          National Portrait Gallery

      Victoria never travelled beyond Europe. So this small wooden statue by a Yoruba carver in Nigeria was likely copied from a photo of the Queen's golden jubilee in 1887.

Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office, Whitehall

     Victoria as Britannia and Her Companions high above what at the time was the Colonial Office, is by Henry Hugh Armstead and J. Birnie Philip.

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert

Royal Albert Hall

Victoria and Albert Museum

Prince Albert

Kensington Gardens

     The magnificent Albert Memorial took over ten years to complete. Prince Albert is seen holding a Catalogue of the Great Exhibition, his tour de force. The £120,000 cost (about £25 million in 2025) was met by public subscription. It was designed by Sir George Gilbert Scott and unveiled by Victoria in

1872, eleven years after the death of her beloved husband. The suggestion to build it as a feature of the Great Exhibition had been dismissed by Albert, writing: "I would much rather not be made a the prominent feature of such a monument, as it would both disturb my quiet rides in Rotten Row to see my own face staring at me, and if (as is very likely) it became and artistic monstrosity, like most of our monuments, it would upset my equanimity to be permanently ridiculed and laughed at as an effigy".

Royal Albert Hall

     This statue of Prince Albert was moved here in 1899 from its original location in the gardens of the Royal Horticultural Society.

     

      Royal Albert Hall                                               Holborn Circus

Liverpool

Some notable portrayals of Queen Victoria:

Sybil Thorndike in Melba (1953)

Peter Sellers (yes!) in The Great McGonagall (1974)

Jenna Coleman in Victoria (ITV series, 2016-2019)

Kathy Bates in Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

Judi Dench in Mrs Brown (1997) and Victoria & Abdul (2017)

Emily Blunt in Young Victoria (2009) with Rupert Friend as Albert

Anna Neagle in Victoria the Great (1937) and Sixty Glorious Years (1938)

Patricia Routledge in Victoria Regina (Granada Television, 1964)

Terry Jones in Monty Python's Flying Circus (BBC, 1969)

Michael Palin in Monty Python's Flying Circus (BBC, 1974)

Miriam Margolyes in Blackadder's Christmas Carol (BBC, 1988)

Pauline Collins in Dr Who (BBC, 2006)

SAXE-COBURG-GOTHA AND THE WINDSORS

Edward VII (1901-1910)

    Unlike his dour father Prince Albert, Edward VII was charming, sociable and diplomatic. He loved horse-racing, gambling and women, and his high society lifestyle as Prince of Wales (aka Dirty Bertie, The Playboy Prince, Edward the Caresser) had caused his mother Queen Victoria much misgiving.

     On becoming King, he cleaned his act up to some extent. And his wife, Alexandra of Denmark, tolerated his many affairs - which included Lily Langtry, Sarah Bernhardt and Alice Keppel (great-grandmother of Queen Camilla). Keppel was even invited to his funeral. Although his reign was short, Edward gave his name to an age which in many ways he personified. His one notable achievement was to promote the Entente Cordiale alliance with France.

     "I am glad to be a King at last" Edward VII, on accession, after a sixty-year wait.

     

       Tooting Broadway                                                 Waterloo Place

     The equestrian statue in Waterloo Place bears little resemblance to the real King who was fat and only interested in horses at racecourses.

                     114-115 High Holborn                                               Mile End

     The statue high above High Holborn is one of a pair, the other being Edward I. They were erected in 1903-04 aiming to flatter the newly-crowned Edward VII by comparing him to a great warrior King.

      The statues overlook Kingsway, a street named after Edward VII and opened in 1905.

Temple Gate, Fleet Street                              National Portrait Gallery

Supreme Court Café, Parliament Square

      Here is an oasis of calm away from the throngs of tourists milling around Westminster. Plus, they have a bust of Edward VII; and souvenir mugs.

National Portrait Gallery

      Souvenir 17 (2024) is an unconventional bust of Edward when Prince of Wales is by Guyanese-British artist Hew Locke. Starting with a souvenir bust from the Great Exhibition, Locke has adorned the prince with a headdress encrusted with wooden skulls, coins, glass beads, coats of arms and replica medals of imperial conflicts - all symbolic objects expressing the power and force of the British Empire of which the royal family were the figureheads. Locke's idea was to both promote and resist the idea that the empire was globally superior. In his words, this national figure is weighed down by the literal burden of history.

Whitechapel

     Edward VII encouraged the acceptance of Jewish refugees in England. The grandly named King Edward VII Jewish Memorial Drinking Fountain on Whitechapel Road was erected in 1912. It was paid for by subscriptions from a grateful Jewish community.

Edward VII and Queen Alexandra

Victoria and Albert Museum

Guildhall Art Gallery

Alexandra of Denmark

 

London Hospital, Whitechapel

     Alexandra introduced the Finsen light cure for lupus to England and, in 1900, presented the first lamp to the London Hospital. A bronze relief on the back of the statue shows the Queen visiting the hospital and seeing the lamp in use. Developed by Alexandra's Danish compatriot Niels Finsen, the carbon arc lamp produced UV radiation. Finsen was awarded the 1903 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for his work.

Marlborough Road

     This Queen Alexandra bronze Memorial, crafted by Sir Alfred Gilbert between 1926 and 1932, is set into the garden wall of Marlborough House.

King George V (1910 – 1936)

     The death of his elder brother Victor Albert resulted in George unexpectedly succeeding his father Edward VII.  His reign was during some very difficult years, with the First World War of 1914-1918, the troubles in Ireland which led to the creation of the Irish Free State, and the Russian Revolution. Anti-German feeling during the war led to the adoption of Windsor as the name of the Royal Family, instead of Saxe-Coburg Gotha. The Statute of Westminster (1931) allowed Dominion Parliaments to pass laws without reference to British laws, sowing the seeds for de-colonisation. In 1932 George started the tradition of radio Christmas broadcasts. "Through one of the marvels of modern science, I am enabled this Christmas Day, to speak to all my peoples throughout the empire." 

     George V died quietly in his sleep, helped by his doctor who prescribed lethal medication so news of the King's death would make the morning papers rather than the 'less appropriate' evening editions.

     "I cannot understand it, after all I have done for them" George V, on public discontent

      "The people will never love me" George V

      "It was a foul murder. I was devoted to Nicky, who was the kindest of men" George V, after his cousin Tsar Nicholas and his family were killed by Bolsheviks. It later emerged that King George, not his government, had opposed the rescue of the Russian imperial family.

      "Bugger Bognor!" George V's famous response when it was suggested the sea air might help him recover from his chronic lung problems. Despite George's disdain for unfashionable Bognor, he still went there to recuperate. In 1929, Bognor was granted the title Regis (of the King).

     "For seventeen years he did nothing at all but kill animals and stick in stamps" Sir Harold Nicholson

     Still, considering that his years in office saw a rise of fascism, communism, socialism (the first Labour government), Irish republicanism, the Indian independence movement, and the downfall of several European monarchies. But the British monarchy emerged intact.

 

   Old Palace Yard, Westminster                         National Portrait Gallery

Bexleyheath Clocktower

     Busts of Elizabeth II and William Morris, adorn two other alcoves with the fourth one vacant.

Guildhall Art Gallery

Queen Mary of Teck

 

Guildhall Art Gallery                             Marlborough Road

     Mary of Teck was betrothed to George's older brother Albert but married George in 1893 after Albert died. They had six children together, including future Kings Edward VIII and George VI. Mary was known for her strong sense of duty and played a significant role in supporting her husband.  

She was a fashion icon of her time, influencing trends with her elegant style. After George V's death in 1936, she became Queen Mary, dowager Queen, and lived until 1953, seeing her granddaughter Elizabeth II crowned.

Edward VIII (1936)

      Edward had been very popular as Prince of Wales but in 1930 he fell in love with American Wallis Simpson. In the Church's eyes, a twice-divorced woman whose two husbands were still alive was unacceptable as Queen. Edward realised that he had to choose between the Crown and Mrs Simpson. He abdicated in favour of his younger brother George, and then went to live abroad. He married Wallis Simpson in 1937 in a ceremony in France where, as Duke and Duchess of Windsor, they lived in exile for the rest of their lives. He had ruled for just 326 days (so no big public statues). He was no longer very popular, and even less so in 1937 when, against the advice of the British government, the Windsors visited Hitler. During WWII he served as governor of the Bahamas. It was suggested he hoped to return as King after a German invasion of Britain.

      "I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility without the help and support of the woman I love." Edward VIII, in his abdication speech.

                 National Portrait Gallery

    This bronze statuette of Edward VIII was crafted in 1991, based on a work of the 1930s. Unsurprisingly, no one sculpted Wallis Simpson. And we're all wondering why the world's most eligible bachelor couldn't have done better.

     With such a brief reign, there's not much Edward VIII left as a legacy. But I must mention this post box which stands outside my nearest tube station .....

 

Wanstead

     This is a rarity. There are 115,500 post boxes in the UK but just 171 bear the Edward VIII cypher as just 200 were produced during his short reign.

George VI (1936-1952)

     George VI was a shy and nervous man with a bad stutter, but also very conscientious and dedicated. He and his wife Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon were appalled to be called to the throne on the abdication of his elder brother Edward VIII. During the Second World War they gained popularity through their courage, remaining at Buckingham Palace, despite it being bombed nine times, and visiting severely bombed areas in East London. In 1940 he created the George Cross and the George Medal, to recognise bravery by citizens. The post-war years saw social changes including the creation of the National Health Service, and also the independence of India and Pakistan. In 1951 the Festival of Britain was held, to  commemorate the centenary of the Great Exhibition, but also promote a feeling of recovery. The only stain on his rule was in his initial support of appeasement with Hitler.

     Colin Firth as George VI in The King's Speech (2010) won the Oscar for Best Actor. Geoffrey Rush played speech therapist Lionel Logue and Helena Bonham Carter was Queen Elizabeth, the King's consort. Michael Gambon was George V, Claire Bloom Queen Mary, Guy Pearce Edward VIII and Timothy Spall Winston Churchill.

The Mall

    George VI married Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon in 1923 after she had rejected him twice. A heavy smoker, he died in 1952, aged just 56, leaving Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, as a widow for 50 years, living to be 101. The statue of George was erected in 1955. His Queen was added in 2009 and shows her at the time of her husband's death. At the same time, bronze reliefs were added depicting scenes from her life as mother to Elizabeth and Margaret and later role as Grandmother of the Nation.

 

     The family portrait is, of course, the King and Queen with their two daughters Elizabeth and Margaret. The royal corgis have their own chef. Dog food brand Wuxi holds a Royal Warrant as dog food suppliers to the Royal Family. You don't get this sort of detail from Simon Schama.

     It is not known if, on becoming a centenarian, the Queen Mother received a telegram from her daughter, a tradition started by Queen Victoria in 1897.

National Portrait Gallery

    This sculpture of George VI began as a portrait of Edward VIII; but, after the abdication, sculptor Leon Underwood modified the bronze cast to alter the facial features 'with a sharp tool,.

Queen Elizabeth II

     Her Coronation was the first to be televised and, played out in front of the cameras, it was the start of an endless soap opera featuring the dysfunctional Windsor family. If you are my generation you will have lived through it all, starting with that first TV your parents bought in 1953. If you are younger you will have watched The Crown.

    So, tempting as it is to list the Duke of Edinburgh's gaffs, I'll refrain from too much detail. 

    Elizabeth II's records speak for themselves - longest reign, longest-lived English monarch, most prime ministers, most currency redesigns, most state visits, most Jubilees. In retrospect, what defines her is not drama but durability - the ability to absorb crisis, scandal, fashion, technology and constitutional change without visibly overreacting to any of it. She made continuity look like an active skill rather than an absence of imagination - which is harder than it sounds.

    The photo (above) shows the Queen on a "state visit" to Scunthorpe as part of her 2002 Golden Jubilee tour. The lady in pink is my mum. Her Majesty (not my mother) also toured the town's Islamic Centre, becoming the first British monarch to (formally) visit a mosque. And the first monarch to meet Mrs Marion Goodenough.

 "Let us not take ourselves too seriously. None of us has a monopoly of wisdom" Elizabeth II

 "I have to be seen to be believed." Elizabeth II

"Grief is the price we pay for love." Elizabeth II, after 9/11

"Queen Elizabeth’s was a life well lived, a promise with destiny kept, and she is mourned most deeply in her passing" Charles III

 

Bexleyheath Clocktower                                     One New Change, St Paul's

Household Cavalry Museum

     The Queen astride Burmese, a black mare she rode for eighteen years during Trooping the Colour ceremonies. Burmese was a gift from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

     Until recently, the Bexleyheath bust was the only life-size public statue of the Queen in London. Then, in 2023, King Charles unveiled statues of his parents flanking the south door of the Royal Albert Hall. 

Royal Albert Hall

     The pair of bronzes were sculpted by the appropriately named Poppy Field given that they were unveiled just prior to the Festival of Remembrance on November 11 (I love a bit of nominative determinism). They were actually commissioned two years before the death of the Queen.
      These statues have generally been 'well-received', unlike a recent unveiling at Antrim Castle which has had 'mixed-reactions'!

The ever-present corgis are quite a good likeness.

Tate Britain

     King and Queen by Henry Moore was inspired by ancient representations of monarchs. Although Moore emphasised anonymous and universal themes of rulership, he created the sculpture around the same time as the Queen's coronation.

Some actresses who have played Queen Elizabeth II:

Helen Mirren in The Queen (2006) and The Audience (stage play).

Claire Foy in The Crown seasons 1 & 2

Olivia Coleman  in The Crown seasons 3 & 4

Imelda Staunton in The Crown seasons 5 & 6

(the Duke of Edinburgh in The Crown was played by Matt Smith, Tobias Menzies and Jonathan Pryce)

Sarah Gadon played a youthful Princess Elizabeth in A Royal Night Out (2015)

Emma Thompson in an episode of Walking the Dogs (Sky Arts, 2012)

Cate Blanchett voiced Queen Elizabeth II in an episode of The Family Guy

Jeannette Charles was the lookalike who held the Guinness World Record for most portrayals of Queen Elizabeth II with (often brief) appearances in many movies, TV shows and ads. Charles died, aged 96, on June 2 2024, the anniversary of the Queen's coronation.

Ella's Slack's job included processing my expenses (another work of fiction) when I worked at the BBC. Ella happened to be the same height, build and of similar age to the Queen and was the go-to person for camera rehearsals of royal occasions. She continued to proudly be available for this role after retirement. I recall Ella always carried a handbag.

Charles III

     Long the heir, finally the King, Charles III arrived after the longest apprenticeship in English royal history, a man who waited so long for the job that he had time to rehearse it, rethink it, and irritate everyone along the way. His reign so far suggests a monarch less interested in grandeur than adjustment; trimming, nudging, modernising by inches rather than revolutions. Whether history will thank him for that remains open - but patience, at least, can never be denied him. In an age where the appeal of the monarchy continues to divide, Charles is a polarising figure.

     Top trivia: Obviously, Charles is related to all the monarchs on this list—but he’s also a distant relative of Vlad Tepes, AKA Vlad the Impaler—the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

      "As the Queen herself did with such unswerving devotion, I too now solemnly pledge myself ….. to uphold the constitutional principles at the heart of our nation." Charles III, in his first speech as King.

    There are, as yet, no public statues (and just a few post boxes) honouring Charles III as King.

Guildhall Art Gallery

    But I spotted this bust of Charles crafted when he was the Prince of Wales. It was sculpted in 1969 by our old favourite David Wynne.

Princess Diana

The Sunken Garden, Kensington Gardens

     This statue of Charles's first wife, was unveiled on July 1 2021 on what would have been Diana's 60th birthday. The three children featured are not specified and not her sons, William and Harry, who commissioned the work. 

    Notable portrayals of the Prince of Wales/Charles III:

    Josh O'Connor in seasons 3-4 of The Crown

    Dominic West in seasons 5-6 of The Crown

    David Threlfall in Diana: Her True Story (1993)

    Tim Pigott-Smith in King Charles III (2016)

    Diana was played by Naomi Watts in Diana (2013) and Elizabeth Debicki in The Crown. 

Some memorable Charles quotes: 

      I just come and talk to the plants, really - very important to talk to them, they respond, I find.

     There's nothing like a jolly good disaster to get people to start doing something.

     Do you seriously  expect me to be the first Prince of Wales in history not to have a mistress?

     You don't want to see me all the time. You get bored.

     My father told me that if I ever met a lady in a dress like yours, I must look her straight in the eyes.

     They're all going to blame me, aren't they? The world's going to go completely mad, isn't it? (on Diana's death)

     You have to give this much to the Luftwaffe: when it knocked down our buildings it did not replace them with anything more offensive than rubble. We did that.

     I can’t bear this bloody thing….. every stinking time! Oh God, I hate this ! [shortly after he became King, over a leaking fountain pen. The expletive version that went viral is (allegedly) inaccurate]

FINALLY (almost):

    Sorry if that was all a bit long-winded. I got a bit carried away. If your brain hurts, don't worry as I've created a list-laden appendix to bullet point almost a thousand years of British history. It's a sort of monarchical honours board/pub quiz cheat sheet. 

APPENDIX:

    Much of what follows has already appeared in the individual pen pictures above. It is simply the scoreboard: the monarchs who waited longest, lived longest, married most often, bred most enthusiastically, or otherwise managed to stand out in a profession already heavy with excess.

IN A NUTSHELL:

    For readers who like their monarchy strong and neat, here is England’s royal history reduced to one line per reign.
 1. William I (1066-1087): Built castles, spoke French
 2. William II (1087-1100): Red-faced, hunting obsession 

 3. Henry I (1100-1135): Nicknamed "Beauclerc", many illegitimate kids 

 4. Stephen (1135-1154): Civil war reign, weak leadership
 5. Henry II (1154-1189): Restless traveller, strong leader

 6. Richard I (1189-1199): Chivalrous, led Crusades

 7. John (1199-1216): Signed Magna Carta, lost French lands

 8. Henry III (1216-1272): Devout, built Churches

 9. Edward I (1272-1307): "Hammer of the Scots", tall and strong

10. Edward II (1307-1327): Favoured Piers Gaveston, deposed

11. Edward III (1327-1377): Founded Order of the Garter, warrior King

12. Richard II (1377-1399): Autocratic, deposed

13. Henry IV (1399-1413): Usurper, health issues

14. Henry V (1413-1422): Agincourt hero, charismatic

15. Henry VI (1422-1461): Mentally unstable, pious

16. Edward IV (1461-1483): Charismatic, powerful

17. Edward V (1483): "Princes in the Tower", disappeared

18. Richard III (1483-1485): Hunchbacked, power-hungry

19. Henry VII (1485-1509): Cunning, miserly

20. Henry VIII (1509-1547): Six wives, arrogant

21. Edward VI (1547-1553): Sickly, Protestant

      Lady Jane Grey (1553): Queen mostly in theory, never crowned

22. Mary I (1553-1558): Catholic, "Bloody Mary"

23. Elizabeth I (1558-1603): Virgin Queen, intellectual

24. James I (1603-1625): Scholarly, wrote books

25. Charles I (1625-1649): Art collector, beheaded

      The Interregnum (1649-1660) Failed monarch-free experiment

26. Charles II (1660-1685): "Merry Monarch", loyal

27. James II (1685-1688): Catholic, autocratic

28. William III (1688-1702): Dutch, asthmatic

29. Mary II (1689-1694): Joint ruler, died young

30. Anne (1702-1714): Health issues, last Stuart

31. George I (1714-1727): German, unpopular

32. George II (1727-1760): Warrior King, loyal husband

33. George III (1760-1820): Longest reign (60 yrs), madness

34. George IV (1820-1830): Dendrophile, extravagant

35. William IV (1830-1837): Sailor King, reformer

36. Victoria (1837-1901): Matriarch, wore black

37. Edward VII (1901-1910): Playboy, peacemaker

38. George V (1910-1936): Coin collector, changed name to Windsor

39. Edward VIII (1936): Abdicated, Nazi sympathizer

40. George VI (1936-1952): Overcame stammer, WWII leader

41. Elizabeth II (1952-2022): Longest reign (70+ yrs), animal lover

42. Charles III (2022-present): Environmentalist, art supporter

How on earth did Victoria become Queen Victoria?

     This family tree is a simplification as it omits all George III's daughters. For succession, sons trumped daughters until the Succession to the Crown Act 2013 which abolished male primogeniture in the UK. The change applied to births from October 28, 2011, onwards. So, when William IV died in 1837, Victoria's father, his three older brothers and all their offspring were also dead.

THE RECORD BREAKERS

👑 LONGEVITY

Longest-lived monarch: Queen Elizabeth II (1926–2022) – lived 96 years. A human constant through ration books, Beatlemania, and the internet.

Longest-lived King: George III  81 years and 239 days, and comfortably beats Henry III (65) and George II (76) but keep an eye on Charles III who will be 81 years and 240 days old on July 12, 2030.

Shortest-lived monarch: Edward V – disappeared, uncrowned, aged about 13

Longest reign: Elizabeth II – 70 years, 214 days. Outlasted 14 prime ministers and several empires.

Longest reign by a King: George III - 59 years

Shortest reign: Lady Jane Grey – 9 days

Oldest to be crowned: Charles III - 73 years, 9 months, and 23 days

Oldest women to be crowned: Mary I - became Queen aged 37 years and 151 days

Longest-serving heir apparent: Charles III - waited on the subs bench for 70 years and 214 days. (I'm a few months older than Charles and still optimistically waiting for my call to serve).

Oldest Queen consort to take her title: Queen Camilla - aged 75 when Charles became King.

Youngest King: Henry VI: 8 months and 26 days

Biggest Age Gap between monarch and successor: 54 years and 217 days between George II and his grandson George III. 

Smallest Age Gap between monarch and successor: 1 year and 171 days between Edward VIII and his brother George VI

👶 FAMILY & PROGENY

Most children (monarch): Henry I – around 25 illegitimate children, plus four legitimate

Most children (consort): Queen Charlotte (wife of George III) – 15 children. Essentially populated the royal courts of Europe.

Most surviving legitimate children: Edward III – 9 surviving children, several founding rival dynasties. Accidentally caused the Wars of the Roses.

Most legitimate children: Edward I - 19 approximately from his two wives, but less than 9 survived childhood.

Most pregnancies: Anne - 17, but only 5 born alive and none survived to adulthood.

Youngest King to become a father: Edward III - was 17 when his son Edward, the Black Prince, was born.

The oldest King to become a father: Edward I - fathered his last child when he was almost 67.

💍 MARRIAGE & SCANDAL

Most wives: Henry VIII – 6 wives, the only monarch whose marital status reshaped religion.

Shortest royal marriage: Anne of Cleves & Henry VIII – about 6 months, amicable and sensible. She survived by agreeing with Henry.

Youngest to marry: Mary II - she was 15 when she married William III

The oldest monarch to marry for the first time: William IV - aged 52 when he married Adelaide of Saxe-Meiningen. However, including second or later marriages, Edward I was almost 60 when he married Margaret of France.

Longest marriage: Elizabeth II and Prince Philip - 73 years and 139 days

Most mistresses: Charles II - almost certainly

Biggest age difference between monarch and consort: Henry I and Adeliza of Louvain around 36 years 

📏 HEIGHT & APPEARANCE

Tallest monarch: Edward IV – about 6 ft 4 in (193 cm) (widely cited, but debated). Close, but no cigar: the future William V, currently 6 ft 3 in.

Shortest monarch: Victoria – 5 ft 0 in (152 cm). Charles I, at 5 ft 4 in was the shortest King whose height is known. That was before his height was dramatically reduced by the axeman.

Most physically imposing reputation: William the Conqueror – broad, strong, and intimidating.

🧠 CHARACTER & QUIRKS

Most languages spoken: Henry V – fluent in English, French, Latin.

Most bookish monarch: Henry VI – deeply pious, scholarly, catastrophically unkingly.

Most eccentric monarch: George III – brilliant and diligent, but prone to bouts of severe illness. Long mislabelled "mad"; modern historians are kinder.

⚔️ WAR, DEATH & DISASTER

Most violent death: Edward II – probably murdered, details politely left to imagination. 

Most battle-hardened King: Edward I – fought across Wales, Scotland, and France well into old age.

Only monarch killed in battle since 1066: Richard III – Bosworth, 1485. Last English King to die sword in hand.

👑 CONSORT RECORDS

Longest-lived consort: Queen Elizabeth (Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon) – lived 101 years. Consort of George VI, survivor of two world wars, the Blitz, the abdication crisis, and most of the 20th century. Became the nation’s grandmother by default. Pedants might observe she was only consort whilst her husband was alive.

Longest-lived male consort: Prince Philip - lived to be 99 years and 303 days old.

Most politically influential consort: Eleanor of Aquitaine – Queen of England and France, crusader, power broker. Ran circles round most men of her age.

Most tragic consort: Anne Boleyn – crowned, adored, executed in under three years.

🏆 FINAL HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Most times excommunicated: King John

Worst start to a reign: Harold II  - ended the same year

Most posthumously reburied monarch: Richard III

Only monarch executed: Charles I, unless you count the uncrowned Jane Grey

Most statues: Victoria - around 175 worldwide

     The English crown has produced saints, tyrants, obsessives, breeders, scholars, martyrs and showmen. It has never yet produced anyone average — and that, perhaps, is the real record.

Highly Debatable Ranking of English Monarchs, measured by competence, consequences, and how badly they broke the country (according to ChatGPT)

     History is not kind, fair, or polite — and neither is this ranking. Kings and Queens are judged here not by vibes, fashion, or how well they’re portrayed on Netflix, but by what actually happened on their watch. Expect disagreement. That’s the point.

🏆 The Ones Who Actually Did the Job

Nation-builders, system-makers, and rare adults in the room

• Alfred the Great – The bar is low when Vikings are burning everything, but he cleared it heroically. England survives largely because of him.

• Henry II – Invented a legal system that still annoys people today. Ruthless, brilliant, indispensable.

• Edward I – A terrifying man with a terrifyingly effective grasp of law, government, and power.

• Elizabeth I – Didn’t panic, didn’t marry, didn’t lose her head - and beat Spain while doing it.

• William III – The reason Britain has monarchs and Parliament instead of one killing the other.

• George III – Lost America, yes — but later became a surprisingly responsible constitutional monarch. Complicated, not incompetent. 

• Victoria – Less ruler, more gravitational force. The 19th century bends around her.

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🥈 Successful, But Don’t Get Carried Away

Good reigns, blemished legacies

• William the Conqueror – Changed England forever; did not ask permission.

• Edward III – Brilliant at war, less so at succession planning (see: Wars of the Roses).

• Henry V – Agincourt was spectacular. Dying young was not helpful.

• Henry VII – Boring, miserly, and exactly what England needed after civil war.

• James I – Clever, awkward, and allergic to political tact — but gave us the King James Bible.

• Charles II – A master of survival who knew when not to push his luck.

• George II – Last King to lead troops into battle. Let ministers govern — wisely.

• Elizabeth II – Reigned impeccably by doing almost nothing wrong, for seventy years.

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🥉 A Mixed Bag of Crowned Chaos

Big personalities, inconsistent results

• John – A walking disaster who accidentally forced Magna Carta into existence.

• Mary I – Braver than her reputation, but politically catastrophic.

• Anne – Oversaw the Union, but barely controlled her own court.

• George I – Didn’t speak English; wisely let others rule.

• George IV – Expensive, embarrassing, but excellent taste in buildings.

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⚠️ How Did This End So Badly?

Weak leadership, strong consequences

• Edward II – Lost Scotland, lost control, lost his throne.

• Richard II – Thought kingship was theatre. Forgot about power.

• Henry VI – Personally gentle, politically ruinous. England implodes.

• Henry VIII – Reformation by tantrum. Big impact, dubious competence.

• James II – Tried to rule like a 17th-century absolutist. Got fired.

• Edward VII – Popular, charming….. and largely irrelevant.

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❌ Actively Harmful Monarchs

Proof that heredity is not a qualification

• Stephen – Turned England into a civil-war experiment.

• Richard III – Short reign, long shadow, endless arguments.

• Charles I – Managed to lose a kingdom, a war, and his head.

• Edward VIII – Abdicated and spent the rest of his life proving why that was necessary.

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