CLACTON BY-ELECTION UPDATE
BREAKING: Count Binface to Farage — "I’ll fix the hand dryer" A statement from Count Binface, the only candidate currently challenging Reform leader Nigel Farage in the upcoming Clacton By-Election. A SCANDAL THAT MUST BE SOLVED Loyal Countbinistas will know that I don’t just solve intergalactic trade disputes. I also sweat the local stuff too. On Earth, one of my key policy pledges is the DISGRACEFUL location of the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty pub in Uxbridge, West London. I pledge that if I am elected to public office I will move it to a more sensible position, so that this tiny part of the galaxy can have peace, justice, and less danger of splash-back. In a remarkable coincidence, I was lunching today with my friends Paul and Mike in the Crown & Treaty in Uxbridge. As former intrepid Reuters journalists we were again in the right place at the right time. And we weren’t going to miss an exclus...