CLACTON BY-ELECTION UPDATE- FURTHER UPDATE



BREAKING: Count Binface to Farage — "I’ll fix the hand dryer"

      A statement from Count Binface, the only candidate currently challenging Reform leader Nigel Farage in the upcoming Clacton By-Election.

A SCANDAL THAT MUST BE SOLVED

Loyal Countbinistas will know that I don’t just solve intergalactic trade disputes. I also sweat the local stuff too. On Earth, one of my key policy pledges is the DISGRACEFUL location of the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty pub in Uxbridge, West London. I pledge that if I am elected to public office I will move it to a more sensible position, so that this tiny part of the galaxy can have peace, justice, and less danger of splash-back.

In a remarkable coincidence, I was lunching today with my friends Paul and Mike in the Crown & Treaty in Uxbridge.



     As former intrepid Reuters journalists we were again in the right place at the right time. And we weren’t going to miss an exclusive. So, when nature called, we went to investigate...

    Paul refused to pose at the urinal, concerned it would destroy what little dignity he has left. Also, had a stranger walked in, a convincing explanation would have been difficult.
    Anyhow, this does appear to be an issue of huge importance. And a problem Farage is unlikely to have the will to solve. So Count Binface would certainly get our vote. Especially as his manifesto contains other vital pledges:

         ·         Price-cap a 99 Flake ice cream at 99p

·         Build “at least one affordable house” in Clacton

·         Bring back Ceefax

·         Nationalise Adele

·         Make Claudia Winkleman’s fringe Grade-I listed

·         National service for all former prime ministers

     Count Binface is calling himself a “unity candidate” and says his main appeal is simply that he’s not Nigel Farage. He’s also admitted he’ll “probably not” win.
     However, in the 2024 General Election, Farage won with 46.2% of the vote - with over 50% being split between four other parties. None of them intend to stand this time around, leaving Binface with a sporting chance of causing an upset - and a lot of merriment.

FURTHER UPDATE:
     Suddenly there are more candidates throwing their hats into the ring which could seriously jeopardise Binface's chances of victory. In any case, it's still going to be pretty funny if these guys collectively get more that 50% of the vote: 

Confirmed candidates so far:
Nigel Farage – Reform UK
Count Binface – Unity candidate, real name Jon Harvey
Adham Alkhatip – Forward Party
Piers Corbyn – Independent, conspiracy theorist
Laurence Fox – Reclaim Party leader
Ollie Granger – Independent, TV professional
Rob Pownall – anti-fox hunting campaigner
Kai Stephens – British Democratic Party
Luke Worley – Independent, ex Married at First Sight, grew up in Clacton
Mr Fishfinger – "Say tartare to Nige. You'll Findus much better."

Also standing / looking for candidates:
Monster Raving Loony Party
Rejoin EU

Who’s NOT standing: Labour, Tories, Lib Dems, Greens and Restore UK




    "I will accept Nigel Farage's request to be appointed Steward and Bailiff of the Manor of Northstead. It is a farce and desperate distraction, and the people of Clacton deserve better. But if he wants to spend the summer arguing with a bin, I won't stop him" Rachel Reeves

ANOTHER UPDATE (JULY 27, 2026): Count Binface's full manifesto unveiled ...

Result of  Clacton by-election, 13 August 2026

Winner: Nigel Farage - Reform UK 
Votes: 22,239, Share: 62.8% to 63.3% reported. 
Note: That’s about 1,000 more votes than he got in the 2024 general election.
Runner up: Count Binface - Independent
Votes: 9,455, Share: 26.9% .
That’s the highest vote share ever for a novelty candidate 
Other details:
    Turnout: 44.37%, with 35,111 votes cast
    Major parties boycotted: Labour, Conservatives, Lib Dems, Greens and Restore Britain didn’t stand. There were 34 candidates in total - a record for a parliamentary by-election.
    Farage resigned in July 2026 to trigger the by-election amid a parliamentary standards investigation into a £5m gift. He didn’t attend the count, citing a “credible threat”. Essex Police said there were “no incidents or issues”. The investigation into his finances resumed after the win. It was a pretty unusual one - essentially “Farage vs a bin” as the main contest, and he called it an “overwhelming endorsement”.


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